


One snake, one fox and one very annoying phoenix

by niccvier



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:42:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23890258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/niccvier/pseuds/niccvier
Summary: It's 1991. Severus Snape is very confused about Dumbledore's approach towards Harry Potter. He gets even more perplexed when he finds out that the headmaster decided to hire a controvercial detective, Esther Worringhtone to "be around if the things get out of hand". Each month brings more odd events and require more of his cooperation with Worringhtone, who to be fair, is getting on his nerves.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 12





	1. The Very Beginning

Lets start this story by stating that Snape did not want to find himself there. It's a very good start, firstly because it pretty much sums up the whole life of that particularly miserable man, secondly listing up things that made him feel that way in that moment should throw some light at the situation.

So Dumbledore was annoying. That's the first thing. Since September of the unrelenting year 1991 loomed at the horizon of metaphorical timeline the headmaster was acting as if he was about to host the entire Wizengamot in his castle.

Snape better than anyone else (besides Dumbledore) understood that Harry Potter is a crucial pawn in this little game of chess and us such he deserves some proper background and preparations.

And here's where Snape and his boss differed a lot. Obviously the Potions Master didn't exactly consider what he would do if the little demon was his problem, however there were few things he was absolutely certain he would not do, for example tell every teacher to watch over Harry in spare time and add treacle tart to the annual feast menu. But Dumbledore was very content with himself and kept presenting a pose of a man who did the best he could.

And this is why Snape really did not want to find himself in front of the massive, oak door, looking at the relief of a sailing ship (or at least at what vaguely resembled a sailing ship, but could as well be a challah. Let's say it, oak isn't the easiest wood to carve in), because it happened to be on his eye-level.

Although after further consideration he did not want to find himself in a shape-shifting castle that wouldn't exist without hoards of small, loud creatures. And following that train of thought it occurred to him that in fact he did not want to find himself on this vale, so he should be indifferent about which part of it he occupies at the moment.

Right after this apathetic realisation, Dumbledore called him cheerfully:

\- Come on in, please!Sometimes he liked to keep people in front of his office for several minutes for no apparent reason. Perhaps he liked when they got a little impatient and unnerved, like some people like their martini shaken, not stirred.

\- I’ve got some news for you, Severus! - he declared gleefully. He was radiating with self-complacency and kindness towards the world. Obnoxious.

\- No! - Snape pretended to be shocked. He was feeling very mardy and couldn’t stop himself.

\- Sarcasm wasn’t necessary.

\- Neither was life on this planet. However it goes on for a couple of thousands years and nobody attempts to eliminate it just because it could be nonexistent.

\- Well, looks like somebody isn’t to well-rested. - said Dumbledore, amused.

“No”, Snape thought to himself “Looks like your despotism is getting on my nerves. And so is the fact that you don’t explain the reasoning behind your orders to me but I have to obey them anyway because that’s just how it is”.

He said nothing out loud. Neither did Dumbledore. And Snape knew he’s got to be the one to break the silence. That man used tricks on him like on a child. Worse yet, they worked.

\- Well? What’s the news? - he asked in a less rude tone.

\- I’m glad you asked. So the news is I thought to myself that while Harry is in Hogwarts we might use some additional protection.

\- You mean apart from the arsenal of protective spells, control at every exit and vigilant teachers?

\- Of course. Those are all regular means of precaution, used to prevent some ordinary, teenage mischief. But we might need to be a little more cautious with Harry.

\- How much more?

\- Not so much. I don’t want him to feel too surrounded. Also I don’t want to raise atmosphere of invigilation in Hogwarts. Young people can easily sense when they’re being controlled. Needless to day they usually don’t like it. No, I want Harry to feel as comfortable as possible.

“Of course. Just like his father, back in the day”.

\- That’s why I’ve decided to call for one, very efficient person who’ll help us control the situation and knows who to contact if, Merlin forbid, thing will get out of hand.

Snape raised his eyebrows.

\- May I ask what is it about that boy that while he’s here things can get out of hand like that?

\- No.

\- Obviously.

\- Perhaps you’d like to know who is the person I’m going to call?

\- Does it matter? - murmured Snape apathetically. Headmaster seemed offended - Alright, hit me with your worst.

\- Esther Worringhtone!

Snape hid his astonishment in the last moment.

\- I’m sorry, are you suggesting Esther Worringhtone agreed to take a boring job and work with brats…

\- …children…

\- …just to be a guard? Besides we don’t need a detective, we need a sentry.

\- Firstly: I’m not suggesting anything, I’m just sharing an information. Accomplished fact, you might say. Secondly: she’s not going to be a teacher. I’ll just give her comfortable accommodation, so that she’s here when needed. Also she’s not just a detective. She’s multifunctional.

\- Dumbledore, people are not Burglers Self-Stirring Kitchen Kettles, you don’t call them multifuntional.

\- How do I call them than?

\- Renaissance men.

\- I’ll remember that. So Esther is renaissance. And she should be here any minute.

Snape, who felt he’s got a lot of information to stomach, raised himself from the chair to leave.

\- No, no, you can stay! You two might cooperate in the future, so I want you to meet her.

Snape didn’t even have time to get properly appalled by that statement, before the door burst open surprisingly smoothly. Esther Worringhtone has entered the office, bringing a fresh blow of authority along.

Snape was pretty used to the image of the most annoying detective in the country. He was familiar with her carelessly unbuttoned coat, a halo of black hair and swarthy face to which the expression of impatient focus seemed to be stuck for good.

Met personally, however, she was a little more impressive. She was tall (it looked as though she was taller than Snape, which annoyed him) and she moved with a nonchalance of someone who knows they’re so bold and arrogant they don’t have to suffer consequences of it.

\- Good morning - she said and looked at Snape with a question in her big, black eyes.

\- It’s alright Esther, come in.

She shrugged and strode across the room. With a cigarette in her teeth and an untidily unbuttoned jacket she carried the atmosphere of a negligent charm. She approached the desk and put out her cigarette in an ashtray with one, smooth move.

\- Did I come too soon?

\- No, no. Severus is wise to our mission.

Worringhtone looked at him with something like scorn in her eyes before she sat in a chair next to him.

\- Severus Snape, I assume?

\- How observant of you.

\- Some papers were roaring about you lately, weren’t they? “The youngest Potions Master in history”, if I’m not mistaken?

\- You rarely are mistaken.

\- Can’t disagree - she gave him a charming smile of a scoundrel and turned to the headmaster: - What’s the purpose of this meeting, if I may ask? I thought we’ve already been through all the details.

\- Well, apparently not, if we’re all still here. I wanted to discuss your new duties because, as we already settled, your old ones shall remain unchanged.

\- Right, I just can’t see how is the presence of mister…

-…professor… - Snape corrected annoyingly.

\- …Snape necessary?

\- Well, it isn’t unnecessary. We’ve talked about this, it is not impossible that you two will cooperate one day.

\- But that day hasn’t come yet, and I like to keep my schedule to myself.

\- Well, if you insist… You may go now, Severus.

Snape nodded and got up.

\- It was nice meeting you, professor - she said feistily - I’m looking forward to working with you.

\- I wish I were that enthusiastic - he replied dryly and left the office.

\- He’s an interesting one - she stated, than laughed - Great people. Aren’t we all just insufferable?


	2. Dumbledore's Plan

Esther Worringhtone looked around the room with nostalgia. She's going to miss her office, that's for sure. After long years of constant use every surface in it was completely personalized.  
However she snapped out of it quite quickly - she's had more important things on her hands. Her lack of interest in most aspects of the reality was astonishing.  
Esther Worringhtone was very sensitive about the sense. She didn't bother to remember useless information, she didn't follow useless ideas, she didn't give up to pointless emotions (or at least not too often. She's only a human after all).  
That system was both very impressive and very annoying. Impressive people are best watched from the distance because each one of them has their ways of getting to that impressive point and things they had to give up on in return. In Worringhtone's case it was obedience which she traded for curiosity.  
Most people don't need too many reasons to code an information - if it exists and has been told, that's enough. That might be classified as some sort of obedience. The system would be perfect, some individuals, however have developed a masochistic tendency to dig deeper (those individuals exist to the eternal torment of teachers and other totalitarian rulers. Obviously curiosity does have some positive side effects, such as finding a vaccine for one or two illnesses or inventing a hover board but after all the world could cope without them and if some progress-enthusiast tried to teach class a lesson while one of the students' hand is constantly up or rule a country while some nosy journalists keep sniffing around the poor areas they'd understand why curiosity is devils' seed and it must not be allowed to sprout).  
Esther wasn't bothered in slightest by the amount of people who were annoyed about her asking questions. They were wrong, and there's no point in spreading wrongness. If Esther was religious, her most important god would be sense.  
So she took her bag from her ebony desk and was about to leave, but couldn't stop herself from sighing one more time. She looked around the room gloomily. Transporting the furniture to Hogwarts wouldn't make any sense, she's not going to meet her customers in a school. But she used to spend most of her life in her office and over the years it was able to cover all her needs perfectly. She didn't like the idea of her existence being moved to a huge castle with no electricity, no central heating and no bakery on the corner of the street.  
She loved electricity (she was a half-blood, but always felt more attached to the muggle world) so she had to be sure she won't be forced to function without it. Thankfully, as a detective you get to know many useful people - the hackers were her favourites. Rei Gashling, her friend from Hogwarts was always into experimental magic and IT so they figured mixing these two branches could be fun. They were right. They invented ingenious spell that protected electronic devices from the negative impact of strong magic field. Despite Esther's advice they didn't want to patent it, because they believed Ministry wouldn't like it. However they were nice enough to put it on all Worringhtone's devices (and, as you will soon discover, by "all" I mean quite a lot).  
When she left the familiar building where her office was she clutched her cell phone tightly. At least she didn't have to say goodbye to that. She called for a taxi to Brentwood where a portkey awaited. Honestly, those wizards just love to make their lives overly complicated.  
\- Visiting the family, eh? - asked a middle-aged driver in a tone of every jovial, middle-aged man on Earth.  
\- I'd rather not - she replied calmly - I've got a change to Scotland, business stuff.  
\- Aah, right, right... Everyone's so busy these days... You know sometimes I think to myself it would be nice to travel so much, like all of those... Big people... Conferences and all... Driving around here can get boring, you know... Although if I drove a coach...  
Esther, accompanied by the sounds made by the driver and which she assumed were words (she was too busy thinking about important stuff to pay further attention) she got to the settled place. She caught the portkey and appeared in the muddy Scotland in a blink of an eye.  
She did not like that region much. The people were conservative and they've had a funny accent, the weather was foul and delinquency was low. However she's had many reasons to take Dumbledore's proposition.  
Most of all over the last couple of weeks she couldn't take any serious case. Not because of some top-down pressure, but because of the utter lack of creativity of local murderers. And taking part in a long term mission against Voldemort himself - well, that sounded more exciting. She was convinced (oh, how wrongly) that nothing revolutionary would happen over the first year, but living a life of a wizard itself is more interesting than the urban monotony. There's always some boggart hiding in a closet or a gigantic spider crawling from out of the forest.  
Finally, she faced the Hogwarts gate. She looked down at her oxfords and elegant trousers that got muddy and wet in and out and cursing in the name of everything that's holy, she begun her way up to the castle.

As soon as she crossed the threshold, McGonagall stopped her, saying:  
\- Oh, Esther, good that you're here. Dumbledore sent an elf with a message to you but you weren't anywhere in the castle.  
\- I just had to pick up some trash from my office. What did he want?  
\- To meet you in his office at 8 pm. You can still get there on time.  
\- Splendid. Thanks a lot, professor. - she said with routine respect.  
\- Please, Minerva.  
\- 'course. - Esther nodded briefly and run up the stairs. "Again, I walk through the door and instantly I am needed somewhere. What would the world do without me?". With that ironical thought she finished her brief reflection because in Hogwarts any unwary wonderer could expect a bunch of unpleasant surprises. She got away without any, though if not the occupational reflex she would've been hit with one of Peevy's water balloons.  
She knocked at the door and "Come on in, please" was to be heard instantly. She strode in with her casual confidence, as if she wasn't all muddy, panting and slightly late. She saw Dumbledore flipping through the Chudley Cannons magazine lazily and Snape standing behind him, looking annoyed.  
\- I see that both of you are in shape, as usually - she commented and collapsed on a chair.  
\- As usually, indeed - Dumbledore admitted gleefully - And you are, as usually, very busy.  
\- That's what I'm made for - she said and leaned her ankle against her knee - You have no idea how boring the life would be without me.  
\- Oh, I suppose I'll find out soon. But let's get down to business because it is very important. Severus, take a seat, please.  
Snape walked around the desk and froze stiffly behind a chair but did not seat.  
\- That will suffice. - the headmaster admitted, unbothered. Than he turned silent as though he didn't know where to start. Eventually he said: - The I assume you two have heard about the Philosopher's Stone and that it was kept in Gringotte.  
\- Well, it would be hard not to hear about it - said Worringhtone and laughed - Ridiculous robbery attempts like this are always a hot button issue. Imagine successfully breaking into the best guarded building in the world just to find out that what you're looking for has been taken away literally one day before you came.  
\- This isn't something to laugh about - said Snape coldly - Gringotte has always been a symbol of infalllibility. This incident is going to have some rough implications. Besides, how powerful was that robber? And how determined?  
\- Very. Very determined - said Dumbledore gravely. He seemed distant for a couple of seconds. Snape threw a shrewd glance at him:  
\- You know something, Dumbledore.  
\- Unfortunately I do and you have no idea, Severus, how I wish I could keep that knowledge to myself. However in current situation I need you two to be fully engaged and this can't happen unless you know all the truth.  
Worringhtone raised her eyebrows encouragingly.  
\- It was Voldemort.  
The air around seemed to be intimidated with the sudden tension and it froze. The silence was, too, freezing.  
\- Is he alive?  
\- Not so much. I suspect he's taken some form very distant from human and he's doing absolutely everything to get his body back.  
\- Is that why you made me watch over Quirrel?  
Dumbledore sighed.  
\- You are very quick, Severus - he sounded unhappy about it.  
\- Watch over who? - Worringhtone wanted to know.  
\- The new DADA teacher. He's... well, interesting.  
\- Hang on, you don't suspect he's cooperating with Voldemort, do you? - the detective wanted to know.  
Silence.  
\- What?! You can't be serious! Why would you keep him here than?  
\- Because of the prophecy. - it sounded like shaping these words was painful to the headmaster.  
The silence that spilled everywhere after that sentence seemed to push against the skin, heavy and cold like a sudden flood of lead.  
Snape seemed even more stiff than before when he said:  
\- You've got to be kidding me. The kid is eleven!  
\- I'm sorry, I feel like I'm missing the sense of this conversation - said Esher.  
\- Well, twelve years ago or so a prophecy has been told. One of the real ones, you must have heard of those. Briefly speaking, it said that Harry Potter has the power to defeat the Dark Lord and that none of them can live if the other survives.  
After a moment of silence Worringhtone threw a sharp look at Dumbledore:  
\- Wait, you don't want to make the kid confront him, do you? Mind you, he's eleven! He spent his entire life with muggles! What are you expecting of him?  
\- There's always a way... - said Dumbledore quietly - You have to understand my position... Voldemort will return, there is no doubt about that. A shred of his soul exists and it's doing horrible but it still holds enough power to break through Gringotte's security. That should draw a picture for you. If his shred can accomplish this, imagine what he's capable of when his power is at it's finest.  
\- We know. - they said. Worringhtone continued: - I understand, Dumbledore, that you want to spare us the round two but for the love of Merlin, using that boy now is pure madness! If he dies, so will our very last hope! Do we really want to risk that much?  
\- Oh, please, don't you underestimate the power of Harry Potter. He could sweep an akromantula right of the ground using nothing but sheer power of his arrogance.  
\- Good, a person with such fate should know his worth. But it doesn't change the fact that if overconfidence has ever killed somebody, than for sure it wasn't the opponent.  
\- Both of you, listen. Esther is right, it is too early to make Harry face Voldemort. But let's not forget that he's defeated him once already, as an infant.  
\- That was the protective magic of his mother! - barked Snape, with way more aggression than necessary - He inherited nothing of her skills, only the arrogance of his father! If our fate is up to James Potter's son than we can all start jumping off the bridges and spare ourselves trouble!  
Worringhtone looked improperly amused.  
\- Would you look at that. Somebody can't get over the past.  
He looked at her with pure will of murder in his eyes. She winked at him.  
\- No one asked your opinion.  
\- That's enough. - Dumbledore cut the squabble.  
\- May I ask, Dumbledore - hissed Snape, clearly furious - Why only the two of us were blessed with this knowledge? It's damn Dark Lord we're talking about! If you know he's raising, alarm the Order!  
\- That would be a very bad move.  
\- A very bad move? A very bad move? Than what kind of move is using a child? SUCH child?  
\- You didn't hear everything yet.  
Snape took a minute to calm his breath and collapsed on the chair next to Worringhtone.  
\- Harry is powerful, but he doesn't know that yet. There is a huge, magical potential within that boy. I believe it is up to us to prepare him properly. Teach him how to be shrewd and decisive.  
Neither pair of black eyes moved.  
\- I think I should make him face carefully composed tasks.  
\- Meaning? - demanded Worringhtone.  
\- Do you know where Philosophers Stone is now?  
They shook their heads. Dumbledore opened one of his precipitous drawers calmly and took out a small, inconspicuous bundle. Snape seemed outraged, but Worringhtone wasn't impressed.  
\- Dumbledore, do you really keep the most dangerous objects that currently exists in this country in a drawer with no lock in it?  
\- If you want to hide something, put it where it can be found. - said Dumbledore and Worringhtone in tandem.  
Snape opened his mouth, but Dumbledore was quicker:  
\- It's only temporary. I thought about many ways of safeguarding it but I'll do best if I consult it with the two of you.  
\- You really are an original leader - said the detective with cogitation in her voice - Usually such undertaking demands a few huge conferences. If I may ask, is the Ministry aware of the Stone's whereabouts?  
\- Cornelius entrusted me with it and told me to do whatever I find applicable. Very sensible of him.  
\- Wouldn't it be applicable to discuss the issue with some wider body?  
\- Nowise. - he replied brightly - I didn't chose you for no reason. I need your wisdom, as you are one of the brightest minds in the country. Both of you.  
Neither of them was impressed with the cheap flattery.  
\- I do not like that - said Worringhtone slowly - This resembles a conspiracy more than anything else.  
\- I can assure you it is not a conspiracy. Not every action needs to be consulted officially.  
\- What's your idea? - asked Snape, after few seconds of silence.  
\- I'm going to secure it in a way that will let Harry find it.  
Snape and Worringhtone exchanged glances.  
\- No. - said Esther - You're not doing it to that kid. I see what you want to do and I do not consent.  
A brief silence followed that sentence. Worringhtone sighet annoyingly and proceeded to explain:  
\- You hire a man that you suspect is helping Voldemort. Than you put the Philosopher's Stone in the same building where he and Harry are living and expect the child to act when the treasure will be endangered.  
After a moment of consideration Dumbledore admitted:  
\- Well, something like that, yes.  
Worringhtone seemed a little shocked as if she was hoping the headmaster had better intentions, but she rallied quickly.  
\- There's one thing I don't understand - she admitted slowly - What makes you think a child would feel responsible for that thing? Who in their right senses would attempt to do teachers and aurors job?  
\- A Gryffindor - murmured Snape.  
\- Severus is right, in a way. I am positive that Harry will want to be the hero.  
Worringhtone shook her head. She was too busy being outraged to ask herself "What made Dumbledore so certain about it?".  
\- I do not consent for this - she said firmly - Snape?  
\- The risk is huge... - he admitted slowly.  
\- The whole case will me observed carefully. If it gets too dangerous we will interfere.  
\- No, no and once again no! Do you know how long I work in my branch? Ten. Do you know how many times a few seconds was enough to take somebody's life away? Once we arrived one minute after Benna Turner was murdered by a serial killer. We tracked him down, we followed him, but one minute was enough for him to get the job done. And it was Benna Turner, owner of a small bakery. I can show you many more examples, and the next one will be Harry Potter!  
Dumbledore sighed annoyingly.  
\- Why won't you look at this from my point of view? I have to protect the wizarding world and I have to prepare Harry Potter for what's coming! Is there any better way to do that, than to make him face challenges?  
\- Yes! Beginning with challenges that aren't actually dangerous! Dumbledore, life is the most delicate form of existence there is, sometimes it takes more effort to break a porcelain cup than to kill somebody and you want to put the only hope in our country in such risk?  
\- Why we will make sure Harry won't actually confront Voldemort! It will be your job.  
\- Care to elaborate?  
\- We will keep sending him hints so that he'll get interested in the third floor but simultaneously we will keep Quirrel away from it.  
\- Dumbledore, there is so much that can go wrong!  
\- Well, it depends entirely on your skills and you don't have too many doubts about them now do you?  
\- It has nothing to do with the skills and you know that?  
\- Esther, you are well aware that you cannot change my decision. I'd have the cheek to say I am the wisest of our three and so both the honour of making such decisions and responsibility of them is up to me. If you won't take this job than I'll easily find somebody who will and you would not want it to be taken by someone less competent than you. Is that correct?  
Silence.  
\- Well, why not consult the details of our safeguard measures? - he said gleefully - I've got some ideas...  
Worringhtone and Snape left the office after some time, agreeing to an obstacle course adjusted to magical abilities of an eleven year old. It took quite a while, especially that Dumbledore persisted on a traditional rhyming riddle about potions.  
After leaving the office it turned out that both of them are heading the same direction, which was a little awkward. Small stars swum behind the big, gothic windows as they walked down the moon-lit corridor.  
Worringhtone took out a cigarette and lit it.  
\- Finally - she said with a relief.  
\- You're a burdensome player, aren't you?  
She raised her eyebrows.  
\- Was that a compliment?  
\- No.  
\- What was it than?  
\- Complaining.  
\- That I can believe. By the way... What does Dumbledore have for you?  
\- Pardon?  
\- Well, he didn't threaten to fire you.  
\- Perhaps it's because I wasn't so insufferably persistent?  
\- Or perhaps he takes you for granted anyway? Please, I don't believe you agreed to work as a teacher because you wanted to.  
\- Well, life plays tricks on us, doesn't it?  
\- It does indeed.  
\- Goodbye. - he added dryly, took a side corridor and disappeared.  
Worringhtone was certain that the dungeons were the opposite way.


	3. Unexpected Meeting

Snape hated Esther Worringhtone from the second he saw her. It was quite comforting, because hating people is very helpful once you learn that remorse are just useless parts of ones mind trying to make themselves conspicuous.   
He looked over his shoulder. It wasn't a break-in, right? Not if he was doing it. He pushed the door and to his enormous surprise they opened. It made him even more suspicious.  
He stood on the doorstep for a loner while, casting plenty of monitoring spells, the regular ones as well as the strongest ones he knew. They detected nothing. He couldn't believe anyone could be this reckless. Although Worringhtone with her cockiness probably can't imagine that someone would dare to raid her office.   
He spat and came in. With his wand ready and his senses on guard he waited for a huge statue to fall on his head or something equally melodramatic to happen. It didn't. Fate apparently decided to spare him grand shows.  
Still unable to believe his own luck nor the stupidity of so called great detective, he approached a substantial, impressive desk. It was of the lordly and intimidating kind, the one preferred by bankers, influential businessmen and all other people who wanted to radiate gravity and wealth while keeping their good taste.   
Snape noticed an inkpot and something long and metal next to it. Unknowingly he reached out his hand and...  
He stopped himself from screaming in the very last second. There was a dagger stuck in the exact spot where Snape's hand was seconds ago. He raised his head.  
Worringhtone was leaning against the wall and eyeing him with a polite interest.  
\- Let's say I understand everything - she said as if she was going back to a nice conversation - Except why did you want to get in here at all?  
Snape stood still for a while, wishing his eyes could do what that little dagger. He was still clutching his palm to his chest like a treasure that was inches from becoming significantly less useful.   
\- You are the detective - he spat - You should already know that.  
Her polite expression didn't change a bit.   
\- You're making a very common mistake. You assume my job is to know everything. You couldn't be more mistaken.   
\- What is your job than?  
\- Finding out what's necessary in a moment when it's needed.  
\- It's tautology.   
\- Yes, but it fills in the awkward hole in this conversation that you dig by refusing to explain your unusual behaviour.   
\- You couldn't have created a more complicated sentence?   
\- Oh I could, but I wasn't sure whether you'd be able to process it in such condition - she said nonchalantly and approached her bar - Whiskey?  
He nodded, though he hated whiskey with his entire soul.   
\- You know - she said, taking out crystal glasses - I'm glad I bumped into you, though I was hoping for it to happen in less invasive way. Dumbledore wanted me to pass you a message.  
\- That's unlike him. He usually sends me messages. Or patronuses, sometimes. - he said while watching Worringhtone's hands very closely in case she's got a ridiculous idea of adding something to his drink.   
\- People get weird as they get older and Dumbledore is very busy. All these preparations for the Halloween Feast seem to unnerve him. Please, have a sit - she added - This might be an interesting conversation.  
\- Overwhelming?  
\- More than my welcome? I don't think so.  
\- Your welcome was barely impressive.  
\- I see. That's why you're hugging your palm like a newborn.   
He realised that he was actually doing it so he put both hands down discreetly. Thankfully she didn't notice that, bacause she was busy putting the decanter back to the cocktail cabinet.   
\- So - she said, putting the glasses at both sides of the desk - You're an interesting man, I've got to admit. Also you seem to be unsane in a way, which is a plus in this profession. You know what it's like. Paranoia, severity... Usually these are considered as flaws, but not in our world.   
He didn't react. Worringhtone made herself more comfortable in her armchair. She seemed like a person who could act en famille in every place at every time. She twisted the glass in her hand and froze for a moment with a distant look in here eyes.  
\- I'd gladly take a whiff of your today's intentions... However nothing that could make you think that breaking into my office is a good idea can be easy to understand, and I don't have enough time today to absorb abstract ideas. I'm a busy woman, you see.   
\- Why whiskey than?  
She gave him a smile from above her glass.  
\- You've gone pale.   
He knew it wasn't true. He was a spy and his nerves were made of steel. He wouldn't go pale because of some knife and she knew it but apparently she enjoyed patronizing him. He looked her in the eye hoping that his gaze expresses how unimpressed he is.   
\- Besides - she said after taking a sip - Like I said, I've got some interesting news from Dumbledore.   
\- In that case he should tell me that in person.   
\- Well, he told me to do that. The thing is...  
\- Thank you - he said coldly - But if it's not important enough for Dumbledore to inform me personally, I don't need to hear it at all. I'm a busy men, you see.  
\- I'd advise you to think twice - she said with an unusual gravity.  
\- I have already, thank you.  
She stared at him for a while and shrugged.  
\- If you insist... I'll pass your opinion on passing information on to Dumbledore.  
\- Wonderful, than you - he replied unbothered by the sarcasm and turned to leave.  
\- One more thing, professor - she said with a dangerous amusement in her voice - Your casting the analytic spells is a stunning performance, truly. You do praise me highly if you used the whole of fourteen. The wand movements to the second to last are pure art. I'd gladly see that again.  
\- Goodbye. - he barked and left. 

He walked down the corridors boiling with hatred towards those huge, snooty eyes and that forwardly unbuttoned jacket and that rumpled shirt and, most of all, that idiotic hair. As it was said before, Snape was familiar with the image of the most annoying detective in the country, as well as anybody who looked through Daily Prophet or who happened to notice someone going through a muggle newspaper while sitting in a cafe. Esther Worringhtone's life was quite picturesque. Although no, her life was serious and bristling with grim cases, so it would be more accurate to say that her life flickered with many shades of greys and blacks. Not only was she a crime connoisseur, she was also kind of an activist and though her investment in political issues was narrowed down to few branches, it was enough to make her end up on first pages of newspapers. She was recognisable in both magical and muggle world.  
However nothing she accomplished was as much of a hot topic as what she never managed to accomplished - that is, to make her hair presentable. Not that they weren't clean or well-groomed, no. It was more about its state of utter chaos. It seemed like each streak ends somewhere else and pokes shamelessly. The effect pretty much resembled an outstandingly jagged mane or a rick of straw, which's messiness bordered on heresy. The reason of such conjuncture was unknown, Worringhtone herself never cared to comment it.   
Just as every phenomenon simple enough for a regular human to understand and unusual enough for a regular man to mock, it became her identification mark and a punchline of travesties about her.  
All those contemplations occupied his mind to a degree where he almost forgot what he was mad for. As he faced his office door he remembered that today he's got detention with Bill Willkins. He smiled maliciously. That should calm him down for good.


	4. Halloween Mess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, today I recieved two comments, and minor as they were they immediately inspired me to translate another chapter! Honestly I almost gave up on this fic because there is no interest in it, but you guys made me want to give it another shot. But honestly I'll stop publishing for good if this doesn't get any notes, so if you want me to keep going please leave a comment! Call this panhandling, but feedback is the only way an author gets paid and I'm going with no salary for months, so any opinions would be very appreciated. Love ya guys! Enjoy :D

The morning of 31st October came and didn't manage to impress Severus Snape in slightest. He hated parties, holidays and everything associated with unusual mess, turmoil and socialization. He vaguely remembered that he was supposed to meet Dumbledore and ask about... Whatever that was that Worringhtone was trying to tell him, however he decided that it can't be that important if he still hadn't gotten any note about it and he had many detentions and punitive tests to grade on his hands.  
That day he was trying to improve his mood by taking away twice more many points than usually and it mitigated children's unfounded excitement palpably. Desperate times call for desperate measures, besides he too deserves some pleasures.   
However neither classes or detentions lasted forever, and eventually he was forced to emerge from his dungeons and stride right into the gaping maw of the Great Hall. He sighed, thinking about his calm, slithery dungeons, he took his place by the table.  
The staff seemed to enjoy each other's company and it never failed to astonish Snape. He just couldn't get the hang of idea of tolerating so many humans for three hundred and thirty three days a year. The teachers, however, didn't seem to get bored with one another and that itself made them kind of a family. Snape never felt like a part of it.   
Neither did Quirrel. Snape, according to Dumbledore's order kept an eye on him but except for the astounding ability to stink with garlic at godly and ungodly hours of nycthemeron, he didn't evince any behaviours worth anybody's attention. From time to time Snape would use camouflage spells to spy on him, but that boy seemed to sense him somehow and watch out not to do anything suspicious.   
Just soon as this train of thought had reached its final station, the Great Hall's door slammed open and an inenarrable bellow raised above every other sound in the room:  
\- TROOOOLL!!! THERE'S A TROLL IN THE DUNGEONS!!! TROLLL!!!  
Quirrel kept yelling so passionately his turban almost fell off.  
All of the teachers sprung up, and while Dumbledore tried to calm everyone down, Worringhtone collected the most efficient people and marched towards the dungeons. Snape suddenly felt like he might be more needed somewhere else. On the third floor, for instance. All this mess just begs to be used.   
\- I'm going to the third floor - he said to McGonagall on his way and run up the stairs. 

Worringhtone lead her hastily created team to the main hall.  
\- Hang on - she said - Not all of us will go down there. I believe there's a chance that the troll had left the dungeons by now. Sinistra, call all the teachers to gut this castle, Vector, maybe go with her just in case. Trolls are better faced with company. Aaight, everyone else, follow me.  
People were capable of surprising obedience when you used a proper tone to command them to do things that obviously should be done somehow, but no one knew where to start. Worringhtone had learned about that long ago. She'd also learned that it doesn't work for everybody.   
\- Do you have any experience with trolls? - asked McGonagall, keeping pace with her. It wasn't much, but it was enough to communicate that the professor doesn't want to lose her effort. And Worringhtone had no reason to fight her.   
\- Infinitesimal, I confess. Is there something I should know?  
\- Nothing except they aren't lead by any particular logic.  
\- Why that's very dangerous... Do they have any easily accessible, weak points?  
\- Easily accessible? No. Weak? Yes. The miracle of evolution had provided them rock-hard legs, no point to cast any spell there. Their heads, however, are quite fragile.   
\- It can never be that easy now can it? - she said grimly, than cussed - I should have caught Quirrel.  
\- They say he's a troll expert - noticed Sprout, sceptically.   
\- And he run off when he saw one, huh? How unusual - said Worringhtone hoping someone has already thought of securing the stone.   
They went silent as they strode down into humid swamp of the dungeons. The drama would require a complete silence at that particular moment, so that a distant, ominous trickling can be heard. Needless to say it didn't exactly go that way, because their steps echoed loudly and professor Flitwick got a brief attack of a mould allergy. They shushed him down quickly.   
Everyone except Worringhtone kept their wands ready. A natural reaction in a dangerous situation is to look for something capable of reducing that danger. For most wizards it was a wand. For Worringhtone it was a pistol. McGonagall noticed it, but didn't comment.   
They passed mouths of corridors after corridors, expecting to see the blocky silhouette of the troll in each of them. In the tensed silence, their steps sounded like shotguns.  
Than, suddenly, a troll rolled into their sight. He looked at them with a very stupid expression, as if he was pushed on a stage by his friend and didn't know what to do next. He looked down at his mace like he wanted to say "So well uh...", than for no logical reason he started to swing it around his head and run straight at them, roaring.   
\- Avada Kedavra! - shrieked Flitwick, but the curse bounced off.   
\- It's a mountain troll! - Sprout came to a conclusion - They're impervious to curses!   
Worringhtone calmly stepped forward, aimed her gun and shoot one shot. Troll froze with a very dull expression and a red dot in the middle of its forehead. Than it fell onto it's knees and collapsed on the floor.  
\- Oh - said McGonagall, slightly puzzled.   
Esther adjusted her jacket and hid the weapon. The rest of the teachers stood silent, as if unsatisfied with this completely not showy finish.   
\- Wizarding methods aren't usually this unceremonious, you know - said Charity Burbage sceptically - You need to try hard to kill something. You need to prove your skill.  
\- And this is precisely why you, wizards have this enormous problem with solving conflicts. - replied Esther.  
\- Excuse you, as far as I'm concerned you also are a wizard.  
\- Yes, and as you can see, I'm not particularly proud of it.   
\- What was it, if I may ask? The weapon? - asked McGonagall.  
\- A gun - said professor Burbage, gutted - It's a machine made for killing.  
\- It's nice - stated Sprout - Very elegant.   
\- Also very quick and efficient. - added Esther.   
And that's when a horrific cry was to be heard above their heads. They rushed up to the main hall and they saw a bunch of teachers running up the stairs.  
\- What is it? - asked McGonagall.  
\- There's a troll on the first floor - explained Sinistra in haste.  
\- What... Another one? - Esther wrinkled her nose - Interesting... Hang on, where is Snape? He knows what's up with that dark magic crap.  
\- He said he's going to the third floor. - answered McGonagall.  
Worringhtone's eyes widened.  
\- Oh holy shit! He doesn't know about Fluffy!


End file.
